Saturday, July 2, 2016

30 Days of Blogging, Day 2: Mac and Cheetos and the Spiral of Shame

There must be a million reviews of Burger King's newest contribution to garbage food fusion cuisine, but none of those reviews will be as deeply steeped in shame as this one.

Where were you when I was pulling into the drive-thru?

Did you know that no matter what time you leave on a Friday before 4th of July weekend your drive home will be inexplicably long? Like, "I should consider stopping for sustenance" long? Just as I had this thought I was rolling by a Burger King.

This is where the shame spiral begins.

I was just going to get a soda.

Maybe a soda and some fries.

Maybe a soda, some fries, and a Junior Whopper.

Maybe a soda, scratch the fries, onion rings instead, and a Whopper with cheese and bacon, they have milkshakes?

Maybe a chocolate milkshake, onion rings, a double Whopper with cheese and bacon and...OHMYGOD MAC AND CHEETOS?!?!

No caption needed. 

Scratch the milkshake, onion rings and Whopper: shit's about to get real here. 

I ordered one order of the Mac and Cheetos, which comes with 5 pieces. And a soda. And a Whopper, for a palette cleanser. 

I noticed a slight embarrassed tone as I said, "Mac and Cheetos"; as if when ordering them requires a certain amount of remorse or you won't get your food. 

I asked the gal at the window if she'd tried them. She nodded and half-shrugged with a look on her face that said, "They made me try it, and I'm not supposed to say it's terrible, but I also hate lying, so this is all I'm able to muster up without losing my job."

It was a drive-by Meh-ing

I couldn't wait to get home to try one, so I the pulled the box out as soon as I pulled way. 

I love that it comes in it's own little purse. You don't want it to touch anything like clothes, fabric, or skin.
It's not a product slogan, it's a warning.

At first glance, they look like the puffy variety of Cheetos, which took me back to many hazy-roomed nights in my early twenties waxing poetic of how much more delicious the puffy Cheetos are because of how good they feel with cotton mouth. Yes, that's a conversation I had. 

At second glance, they started to remind of the nuggets I scoop after Popeye every morning. I tried not to dwell on their cat-poop similarities too long, because I really wanted to try this crap.
Does it matter that product development at Burger King is run by cats?

They smell nothing like Cheetos, and more like Goldfish Crackers or Cheez-Its. When I bit into it, it was a bit stale, like it had been sitting under a heat lamp for quite some time. The mac and cheese on the inside was like (and probably actually was) Kraft Mac and Cheese.
Is this what I look like on the inside now?

Pretty salty, Kind of creamy. Kind of crunchy. Savory. Might be really good with beer--oh man. Oh no.

I wasn't supposed to like them. I was supposed to try them to be ironic in the incorrect sense of the word. They weren't supposed to be crunchy, creamy, salty little fried nuggets of pasta that I want all the time. 

Further down the shame spiral I go. 

Shut. Up.

Overall, they're fine. They're a shameful, yummy embarrassing to order and eat in public treat and it's a good thing there's only one Burger King in the Seattle metropolitan area. 

I'd go further into the pitfalls of eating fast food while I'm struggling with depression and trying to eat food that's better for my body, but why be a bummer about something that's, let's be honest, is kind of whimsical and delightful?

This bitch...

1 comment:

Kathryn said...

Sounds a little like a hush puppy Yum!